?

I want to tell you everything.  I wish I could tell you what my worries are, how I know it's all going to get bad and it's all going to change just like last time.  I want to tell you what makes me cry at night, in the car, in lonely hours during the day, when you are downstairs folding laundry or watching basketball. I need your comfort but I can't get it from you without destroying your peace.  One wrong sentence will lead to an even worse outcome.  And even though I need to be honest and brave, I don't want to be responsible for the destruction and sadness.

I wish for things to be different, for things to be good.  Why does nothing good last, or come without consequences?  Why do I need to face these things?  Why do I have no support?  Why do I put you first?

Doesn't my fate matter too?